A/N: I consider this story to be slightly "risque" as it deals with the intimate aspect of Liz and Quackerjacks relationship. No worries though, I don't write DwD pronz.. However, there is talk of sex and the like.
1997
It had been three months since Liz was released from the hospital, and things had pretty much gone back to normal.. or as normal as they possibly could be. The remaining members of the Fearsome Five hadn't reformed completely, but they weren't quite as criminally minded as they had once been.
Negaduck was still behind bars, thankfully, but just in case he ever managed to get out, Liz and Quackerjack had been putting serious thought into moving. At the moment though, they were still living in St. Canard, and Liz was still working at Hamburger Hippo.
"Oh Roberto..." A young female duck on a small black and white TV was saying. "How I've dreamed of being in your arms."
"Yes, Maria." A male duck replied. "I have dreamed of being in your arms as well."
Liz leaned back against the counter of the Hamburger Hippo stand, sipping a small fountain soda, eyes fixed on the television mounted on the wall above her. She never really cared for Soaps, but it had been a slow night and there was nothing else on TV. She wasn't really paying much attention to the program, her mind was elsewhere.
Her and Quackerjack had been dating for a while now, and not much had really changed between them. Not that that was really a bad thing, mind you. Liz was glad they were able to stay such close friends. The only reason she had never made a move before then was because she had been afraid of ruining their friendship.
However, now that they were dating, she had thought SOMETHING would change. They were together a month before he had moved into Lizs room, opting to using his old room to store his toys in. So, they were sleeping together, but sleeping was all it was.
"Do they pay you to stand around watching TV?" Someone spoke behind her, causing the girl to shriek in surprise and spin around.
"Don't do that!" She shouted, glaring at the person she found sitting on a stool at the counter.
"Sorry..." Darkwing smiled apologetically. "I just came to check up on ya. You doin' okay?"
"I'm fine." Liz smiled. She flipped the TV off and pulled up a small stool on her side of the counter. "And no, they don't pay me to watch TV, its just been a really slow night."
"Tell me about it." The hero rolled his eyes. "With Negaduck in jail and those friends of yours practically reformed," He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers as he said the word. "I haven't had much to do myself."
"Aww.. surely there are other criminals for you to go after."
"Oh sure, theres the occasional small time criminal.. but nothing compared to the things the Fearsome Five used to do."
"Heh... Sorry." Liz smiled, reaching over to pat his arm. "You want me to tell them to hit a bank or something so you have something to do?"
"No, thats quite alright" Darkwing shook his head. "The longer those four stay out of trouble, the better."
Liz nodded. "You want a cup of coffee? Its on the house."
"I'd love one."
The girl stood up to fetch the coffee, and it was at that moment she noticed Darkwing was alone. No sidekick there to hit her up for burgers and fries. "Wheres Launchpad?" She asked over her shoulder.
"Duckburg." The man replied. "Visiting with Mr. McDuck."
"Ah. Well, I'm glad those two finally had a chance to get together again." She sat a cup of coffee on the counter in front of him.
"So umm..." Darkwing took a sip of his drink. "How are things with you and your uhh... boyfriend?"
"Oh, things are fine." She shrugged. "Actually... we are having a bit of a problem."
"Really?" Darkwing wasn't surprised. This was Quackerjack they were talking about. Still, being the ladies man that he was, or at least thought he was, the hero thought maybe he could offer some advice. "What seems to be the problem?" He took another sip of his coffee.
"Well.... We're not having sex."
Pffffffffftttttt. Coffee went everywhere. All over the counter and down the front of Darkwings suit. "Wh...What?" The hero sputtered.
"Oh dear.. I'm sorry!" Liz quickly grabbed a dishtowel from under the counter. "Here, let me clean that up." She wiped up the mess on the counter, then leaned over to dab at the heros clothes.
"No, no, its alright, my dear." Darkwing took the towel from her and began to clean himself off. "You just.. caught me off guard, thats all."
Liz blushed. "I didn't mean to be so straight forward." She said. "But you asked what was wrong, and..well, I didn't know how else to say it. We've been together three months now... and..nothing."
"Ah, well," Darkwing cleared his throat. "Sometimes its best to, you know.. wait a while for these things." He paused, mentally shuddering at the thought of Quackerjack having sex at all. "And in Quackerjacks case, its best to wait.. forever for these things."
Liz pouted. "But I don't wanna wait forever..." She thought for a moment and then brightened. "Hey, you seem like you'd know a bit about relationships."
Darkwing grinned, puffing his chest up and looking rather proud. "Yep yep yep.. I do know a thing or two, now that you mention it."
"You think you could, maybe, talk to QJ?"
"What?" The hero shrank back down on to his stool, his pride having just been deflated. "I.. I I...don't think..."
"Oh come on!" Liz pleaded. "I'd ask one of the guys to do it, but... Megs is clueless, Reggie is too timid, and Licky... well I don't even wanna think about how he'd try to talk to him about things."
Darkwing couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of some sort of sex advertising campaign. "What about that girl... Amy?"
"Thats just it, shes a girl. QJ needs to talk to a guy about this stuff."
"Elizabeth... I don't really think its a good idea."
"Liz." She replied. "And why not? Its not like I'm asking you to explain the birds and the bees to him. He knows all that stuff already. Hes smart. He went to college. Hes just... kinda slow on the uptake when it comes to relationships."
He eyed her dubiously. "Well......"
"Please?" She pouted again, her bottom lip trembling slightly.
Darkwing sighed. How did he let himself get talked into these things? "Hoookay, fine. I'll do it."
"Yay!" Liz clasped her hands together and bounced up and down. "Thank you!"
"Don't mention it... please." He coughed uncomfortably. "So.. when do you want me to do this?"
"How 'bout tonight? I get off work in ten minutes. You can give me a ride home."
"What happened to your car?"
"Duh..." She replied, rolling her eyes. "It was totaled three months ago in the fight with Negaduck. I'm stuck taking the bus now."
Darkwing nodded, sipping at what was left of his coffee. Fifteen minutes later, Liz sat in the sidecar of the Ratcatcher, and the two of them sped through town toward the girls house.
------------------------------------
"How long do you have to use the cane?" Darkwing asked as he and Liz made their way up the path to the house.
"Hopefully not much longer." The girl replied. "I can walk okay without it now, but I hang onto it just in case. I'll be glad to get rid of it though, it sucks not being able to dance anymore." She leaned against the cane in her hand and fished her keys out of her pocket. Unlocking the door, they stepped into the house.
"What the hell?!" Liz blinked at the mass of toys scattered across the living room floor. Quackerjack sat in the middle of them, screwdriver in hand, tinkering with a normal looking toy truck. However, knowing Quackerjack, the truck was anything BUT normal.
"Uh oh..." The jester glanced up. "I didn't think you'd be home so soon.. I was gonna clean it up."
"You'd damn well better." Liz glared.
"I will." Quackerjack grinned. The grin quickly faded, however, when he saw the person standing in the doorway behind Liz. "Whats he doing here?"
"I'm sorta wondering that myself." Darkwing mumbled. He followed Liz inside, closing the door behind him, and eyeing the toys cautiously.
"Darkwing gave me a ride home." Liz replied. "I think he wants to talk to you about something."
The masked mallard smiled nervously. Quackerjack raised an eyebrow. "Ooo..kay..." He stood up slowly, moving over to give Liz a quick hug, still eyeing Darking with mild distrust. "You smell like french fries." He pulled away and smiled at the girl.
"I knooooow." She replied. "I'm gonna take a shower. You two behave yourselves." And with that she disappeared down the hall, leaving the two of them alone in the living room.
"Soooooo...." Darkwing began, carefully stepping over a large set of novelty teeth. He took a seat on the sofa, his eyes still lingering on the toys. "You've been busy."
"...Yeah." Quackerjack followed his former enemy to the couch. "You.. uhh.. wanted to talk about something?"
"No, not really.." Darkwing replied under his breath. He cleared his throat. "So.. umm.. Liz tells me you're having some relationship problems."
"What?" Quackerjack blinked, his eyes darting toward the hall. "She... she said that?"
"I take it you don't think there are any?"
"Well... no." The jester turned his attention back to the hero and shook his head. "I.. thought things were going great. I did all the things Bushy said boyfriends do... I try to keep things clean..." He glanced around at the toys. "usually.. and I make her breakfast in bed and I bought her flowers."
"Thats good." Darkwing smiled. "Women like those sorts of things."
"So then whats wrong?"
"Hoooboy..." Darkwing sighed, running a hand over his face. How was he going to explain this? "Ya see, Quackers.... sometimes... uhh.. sometimes women want a little more than flowers and breakfast."
"Like what?" Quackerjack tilted his head to the side.
"Well, like... intimacy."
"Intimacy?"
"Yeah. Have you ever... thought about, I dunno, making a move on her or something?" Darkwing shuddered inwardly. He couldn't believe he was actually giving Quackerjack tips on getting laid.
"I've thought about it... once or twice."
Darkwing nodded. That was a start at least. "So whats the issue?"
"Her." The clown replied. "Well.. not HER, shes fine. But.. well, she just got out of the hospital three months ago. And shes still using that cane to walk with..." He trailed off.
"I see. You're.. afraid shes not quite up for something like that?"
"Basically, yeah."
"Oh!" The hero sighed in relief, thankful that he wouldn't have to explain things to the toymaker after all. "Well, nevermind then."
"She, uhh... asked you to talk to me about it?" Quackerjack asked.
"Yes."
"D'ya think that means shes might be up for it?"
Darkwing blinked. Half a dozen replies ran through his mind, not one of them being "yes". Absolutely not. You should wait a really really long time. Celibacy is your friend. For the love of god don't have sex, you might reproduce! He opened his beak, but all that came out was "Uhhhhhhh...."
Quackerjack stared at him, waiting for some kind of answer.
"Look, Quackers..." Darkwing sighed. "If you two ever decide to.... you know..."
"Have sex?"
"Ugh..." The masked duck shuddered. "Yes... If you do, and thats a big IF, I hope... please, PLEASE, don't get her pregnant. YOU do NOT need children."
"Oh well, shes been on the pill for months now." The toymaker replied. "Said it helped with... girly issues or something."
"Thank heaven." The hero breathed a sigh of relief. He glanced around the room again. "Whats that?" He asked, pointing to round object in the floor, not really sure he wanted to know what the answer was.
"That? Oh thats one of my new toys." Quackerjack leaned over, retrieving the item in question from the floor. "I call it Xtreme Hot Potato." He glanced back at the duck beside him and grinned widely. "Say.... you wanna try it out?"
"No! No no no." Darkwing shook his head. "Thats okay. In fact, I really should be going."
"Aww.." The jester pouted. "But we were having so much fun... Hey Liz."
Darkwing glanced over his shoulder. Liz stood at the edge of the hall, leaning against the wall. She had changed out of her work uniform and was now dressed in blue sweatpants and an orange tshirt. "Are you leaving, Darkwing?"
"Yeah..." The masked mallard nodded. "Its late, and you look like you need some sleep. Long day at work and all... theres probably some criminals somewhere.. I gotta go." He stood up, hurrying toward the door, thankful for the chance to get away before Quackerjack decided to test out his new toys. "I'll see you guys... some other time. Goodnight." And with that he disappeared out into the night.
Liz and Quackerjack watched him go. "Hes kinda goofy, isn't he?" The girl said at last.
Quackerjack glanced at her. "Yeah... kinda. Seems a bit high strung as well, probably too much coffee or somethin'." He glanced down at the toy he was still holding. "Bit of a fuddy duddy too... he didn't want to play with my new toy."
"No one wants to play with your toys."
"Now just what is THAT supposed to mean?!"
"Nothing..." The girl smiled. "I just meant that.... well, your toys are.." She trailed off, searching her brain for a reply. "Well, they're just so... unique."
Quackerjack blinked, then turned away from her. "You hate my toys..." He pouted.
"What?" Liz moved away from the wall and stared at him. "I do not." Moving over to the couch, she sat down and wrapped her arms around him. "I love your toys.. and I love you." He didn't respond, so she went on. "Well... think about it this way.. You see that one there?" She pointed to a small toy puppy sitting in the middle of the floor. He nodded and she continued. "Now, I know what that innocent looking puppy does. I know what ALL of your toys do, its not that I don't like them, its just that I'm cautious. Suppose one day that cute little puppy took a bite out of me... then what?"
The jester blinked again. He hadn't thought of that. Well, he had, a few times. Deep down inside he knew his toys had the potential to hurt people, he had just never cared... until now. When it could be Liz getting hurt, well that made things different. He faced her now. "I... I don't want YOU to get hurt."
"I don't want me to get hurt either. Thats why I'm cautious. Oh, QJ..." She hugged him tightly. "I think your toys are wonderful. Unique, and potentially deadly, but still wonderful." She pulled away to look at him. "You are so talented when it comes to toys. You can do anything with them, and every time you make a new one I'm so proud of you for it."
"Really?"
"Yes."
He grinned, before tackling her in a hug, the both of them falling back onto the couch. Raising his head, he stared down at her, the goofy grin still plastered across his face... until he realized he was practically on top of her. "Uhhhh..." His mind suddenly raced back to what Darkwing had said moments before.
Liz swallowed nervously. "So... Darkwing talked you?"
"Yeah..." He made no move to get up.
She blushed. "And you... caught on to what he was saying?"
"Yeah..."
"Ahem..." She averted her eyes for a moment, the blushing lingering on her cheeks. "So uhh..." She glanced back up at him. "...Playtime?"
He blinked, then nodded, before jumping off the couch and darting down the hall. Liz sat up and watched him go, before standing up and following after him, making a mental note to give Darkwing a free meal the next time he stopped at Hamburger Hippo.
-Finis-