Totally random fic I just wrote for the hell of it. Nothing of significance, just Liz and Quackerjack and a little Mr. Banana Brain for kicks. It does occur to me on occasion that I rarely use Mr. Banana Brain in any of my fics, but I have a lot of fun writing Liz's interactions with the doll. Of course, Liz is sane and knows hes not real. She sure can pretend tho.
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1998
"Oh my God! Elizabeth this is wonderful!"
Liz cringed, holding the phone at arms length. She could still hear her mother screaming.
"Oh, my baby girl is finally getting married! Have you set a date yet? Oh, you'll need to go dress shopping. You should go with blue for your brides maids dresses..."
"Mom," Liz pulled the phone back to her ear.
"Oh and we'll need to call a caterer and a florist..."
"Mom."
"Oh, wait till I tell your grandmother! She'll be SO happy."
"Mother!"
"What?"
Liz sighed, "Mom, I don't want you to make a big deal out of this. QJ and I want a small, simple wedding. So you can just push all those white doves and full orchestras out of your mind."
Mrs. DeQuacka was silent for a moment before she spoke again, "Well excuse me for being excited about the most important moment in my little girls life."
"I know, mom. I just don't want you going overboard with this." There was a crash from the hall, followed by an "Ouch!" from Quackerjack. Liz sighed, "Mom, I gotta go... QJs hurt himself again."
"Alright, dear. Call me later. Love you."
"Love you too, mom." Hanging the phone, up, Liz hurried into the hallway. Quackerjack lay in the floor, near a ladder, staring up at the ceiling. "Are you alright, honey?"
"Yep!"
"What are you doing?"
"Admiring the ceiling tiles," Quackerjack replied with a grin, "they're really quite nice."
Liz shook her head, "Did you fall off the ladder?"
"Yes I did."
"Are you sure you're okay? What were you doing anyway?"
"I'm fine," he pushed himself up and dusted his clothes off. "I was trying to get into the crawl space."
"Whatever for?"
"Just wanted to see what was up there."
Liz crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head, "Nothing you'd want, trust me. Its just a bunch of boxes full of things from when I was a kid."
"Oooh, any old toys?"
"I don't think so. I think its just old clothes and random nic-nacs my mother sent me."
"Well, we won't know until we look," Quackerjack started up the ladder again.
Liz watched him disappear into the crawl space, before turning and heading toward the living room, "Be careful up there."
"I will!"
Flopping down onto the sofa, Liz flipped the TV on. She could hear Quackerjack scuffling around above her. After a moment, she heard him call to her from the hallway. "Hey, Liz?"
"What?"
"Whats this?"
Leaning over the back of the couch, Liz peered down the hall. Quackerjack was dangling what appeared to be a beaded necklace down from the crawl space opening. "Thats a Rosary," Liz replied.
"Yeah, I know that. I meant whats it doing up here?"
Liz turned back around and settled onto the couch. "My aunt sent to to me when she went to visit the Vatican."
"I didn't know you were Catholic."
"I'm not, but my family is."
Quackerjack seemed satisfied with that, and went back to crawling around, digging through random boxes. He found several boxes full of Liz's old clothes, a couple photo albums, and two boxes full of small ceramic cat figurines. "Whos cats?"
"Cats?"
"Yeah, the little ceramic ones."
"Oh! Those are mine. Please be careful with them."
Quackerjack was silent for a moment, and Liz couldn't hear anymore movement from above her, and then "Dear Diary, Today Lucas smiled at me in the hall..."
"No," Liz was up in an instant and rushing down the hall. "Don't read that!" She yelled up at the ceiling.
"Whos Lucas?"
"Hes no one. Just a boy I went to school with, now stop reading that.
"Why? Its funny. Dear Diary, Hannah is a bitch. I hate her and wish she'd die."
Liz smirked, "Hannah was Lucas's girlfriend."
"What did she ever do to make you hate her so much?" Quackerjack asked.
"She was dating Lucas."
"You really liked this guy, huh?"
"Once upon a time," Liz replied. "I was only like... sixteen at the time."
"Dear Diary, Hannah needs to be taught a lesson. She thinks shes all that, but shes not. I'd like to chop her fingers off and shove them down her throat... Geez, Liz, issues much?"
"Will you stop looking at that and come back down here?"
"Nope! Oh wow, I love all the little doodles of Hannah with knives sticking out of her eyes."
"Damn it, QJ, put the diary down!"
"Oh, fine! Ruin my fun, why dontcha." There was a scuffling sound, before Quackerjack appeared at the opening again and began the descent back down the ladder. "Happy now?"
"Did you put the diary back where you found it?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Liz smiled, "Turn out your pockets."
"What?" Quackerjack gasped, "Don't you trust me?"
"Do you want me to have to search you myself?"
"Hmm... yes, please."
"You won't like it, trust me."
"Oh, sheesh, Liz, here look," he dug through his pockets and pulled his sleeves up. "See, nothing."
"Okay," Liz nodded, still eyeing him skeptically. "Put the ladder back in the garage, please."
Quackerjack nodded, folding the ladder up and heading toward the garage with it. Liz returned to the living room and sank back onto the couch. "You wanna order a pizza for dinner?" She called to him.
"Can I get pineapple on it?"
Liz made a face, "Ugh... we'll see."
Quackerjack returned from the garage. He moved through the living room toward the hallway, pulling a small pink book from somewhere inside his clothes, "Dear Diary..."
Liz was up in a flash, "You jerk!"
Quackerjack giggled as he darted down the hall, with Liz right behind him, "Lucas is the hottest..." he slipped into the bedroom, closing the door and leaning against it.
"You are SO dead!"
"Most handsome guy in the whole world."
"QUACKERJACK!"
"I'm SO going to marry him some day. Oh really?"
Gritting her teeth, Liz kicked the door as hard as she could. Quackerjack tumbled foward into the floor as the door swung open behind him. "Yipe!" He scrambled toward the other side of the room, but Liz pounced on him and reached for the book in his hand. Quackerjack squirmed, holding the book out of the girls reach.
"Give it to me!"
"Whats the magic word?"
"NOW!"
He shook his head, "Thats not the magic word."
"I mean it, give me the diary."
"Hmm," Quackerjack considered this, "well, I would... but that wouldn't be nearly as fun."
Liz glared, "Death will not come swiftly."
Quackerjack sighed, "Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, you are SO cute."
Liz raised an eyebrow.
Quackerjack smirked, "But you're also very small and very light." He shifted, flipping the girl off of him and pinning her to the floor.
"Ugh!" Liz struggled, "Lemme up!"
"Nooooo, no no no, I don't think I will." Laying the book just above the girls head, he pinned her arms and continued to read, "Dear Diary, Lucas and Hannah broke up today. I'm so excited because he says he wants to go out with me. Awww, isn't that sweet?"
"Please stop reading..."
Letting go of the girl momentarily, he flipped to the next page. "Dear Diary, Tonight Lucas and I..." He paused, sitting back again to stare down at the girl. "Oh, Lizzy, you naughty thing, you."
"Give me a break," She glared, "I was young and stupid."
"So what happened to this guy?"
"He used me and dumped me."
"Oh... Well, gee, that sucks."
Liz rolled her eyes, "Yeah, well it happens. Can I please get up now?"
"Yeah, I guess... but I'm keeping the diary" Snatching the book back up, he moved off of the girl and she scrambled to her feet.
"Fine," she told him. "Keep it, I'll just take this," she hopped onto the bed, grabbing Mr. Banana Brain from where he lay near the headboard. "C'mon, Mr. Banana Brain, I know YOU'D never betray me by reading my diary." "Oh no, Liz," the girl adapted a high pitched voice, speaking through the doll, "I'd NEVER do that. I love you."
Quackerjack blinked, before pouting slightly, "I love you more than he does!"
Liz ignored him, moving toward the door with the doll, "Lets go order some pizza, Mr. Banana Brain. What would you like on it?" "Oh, anything but pineapple."
Quackerjack followed after them, "You love pineapple! You're just saying that to get on her good side!"
Liz stopped and turned around to face him, holding the doll up and speaking through it again, "One of us has to, Stu. Maybe next time you'll know not to read a girls diary." The girl smirked.
"Fine, here," Quackerjack handed her the book.
"Thank you," Liz took the diary from him and continued down the hall.
"Wait," Quackerjack hurried after her, "Don't I get Mr. Banana Brain back?"
"Nope! We're gonna order a pizza."
"Can I get pineapple now? I gave you the diary back."
"Hmm," Liz thought about this for a moment, casting a glance at the doll in her hands. "What do you think?" "Oh, I dunno..." Liz spoke through the doll again, "He did read the diary after you asked him not to."
Quackerjack pouted.
"True," Liz said, "But he gave it back. Maybe we can do pineapple on half." "You're WAY too nice to him, Liz." "Yes, I know."
"You know hes only saying that because hes trying to flirt with you," Quackerjack glared at the doll.
Liz grinned, "Aww, I'm flattered, Mr. Banana Brain, but I'm afraid it just wouldn't work between us. My heart belongs to that diary stealing jerk over there," She nodded toward Quackerjack.
"Ha!" Quackerjack grinned, "Wait..." the grin faded.
Liz chuckled as she headed into the kitchen to order that pizza.
-Finis-
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